Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pinterest has changed my wish list

I used to pine over matching coat hangers and plastic bins. Now, I’m pretty sure that I can’t live without:

Pallets

 

Toilet paper tubes

 

 

Succulents

l

Leaves

 

and of course, a sewing machine.

 

I think I need to start setting a time limit for Pinterest daydreaming. Anyone up for some pallet searching?

(Don’t tell my sisters, but I may be a closet crafter after all.)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Words of Slumber

I’ve always known that I snore. Anyone who tries to watch a movie with me knows that I snore; however, I was not aware of my tendency to sleep talk. Not just sleep talk, sleep shout.

The following story was shared over breakfast by my sweetheart, Mr. Chappell (He told it in first person, but I’m writing it! Haahahahhahaa!):

Mr. Chappell was relaxing in his arm chair devouring a delicious book word by word when he heard his love holler from the bedroom: “Is there a contest?” Surprised by the question (and the volume), he went to see if everything was okay. There I lay sound asleep with Charlie the Cat. Puzzled, he stared for a few moments in the dark and then gave some advice, “You need to go back to sleep.” He returned to his armchair and novel. I apparently accepted his advice.

Another favorite quote from Mr. Chappell: “I wish I had been more lucid last night because you were hilarious in your sleep.”

It is well documented in my family that missing out is one of the weightiest threats. Somehow I never quite got over the fear that life would continue while I slept and that I would miss out. I’m told that I regularly shout, “What’s happenin’?” when my husband rolls over or gets up to use the restroom. Before he can formulate an answer in his sleepy state, I’ve already commenced snoring, again.

I guess I’m just as good at minding my own business in my sleep as when I’m awake. So much for Earnest Hemingway’s sleep refuge from falling apart.

image

 

By the way, does anyone have recommendations for quality earplugs that are comfortable for side sleepers? Inquiring husbands want to know.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Sharing Talents

piano

Father’s Day was my last Sunday in one of the Relief Society presidencies in my ward (yes, there are 3 Relief Societies in my ward.). It seems like I usually get released once I get the hang of a calling. Not so this time.

The week before Father’s Day, we had not just one, but two lessons at church about the importance of developing and sharing talents. You’d think that the repetition would help me remember to share my talents. Not so this time.

So there I was, minding my own business (of course), when the Relief Society pianist calls after these great lessons and lets me know that she’ll be out of town the following Sunday. She explains that she spoke with the RS music coordinator and they couldn’t think of anyone who could play that would be in town. I assured her that something would work out and wished her a good Father’s Day trip.

I began racking my brain. Perhaps one of the summer interns could play the piano. Perhaps the RS president knew of someone else who could play. Saturday night, I began to be a bit worried. WHO CAN PLAY THE PIANO FOR CHURCH??? Then…I remembered…I can play the piano.

I went to church a bit early so I could remind my fingers how to behave and I managed to get through the prelude, two hymns, and postlude without too much disobedience from my digits. It’s a good thing I remembered. It’s good to share talents. It’s good to apply Sunday School and Relief Society lessons. 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Alarm clock or truck reversing?

Everyone has had that experience where they’ve incorporated the sound of their trusty alarm clock into their dream. Suddenly there’s a truck reversing while you’re trying to solve some ridiculous puzzle. Well, this morning, I couldn’t figure out why my alarm clock wouldn’t turn off. It just kept beeping and beeping even when I pushed every possible button. Then, I realized it was the garbage truck and it is summer vacation, which means no alarms and freedom to sleep (if you can).

Trucks straight from dreamland I promise these are not from my dream.

Images from 2dayblog.com [via Wejetset]

Did you know that Philadelphia’s Mural Arts Program partnered with The Design Center at Philadelphia University to create trash trucks that are dream worthy?

Friday, June 3, 2011

I need your address

I’m collecting addresses for announcements! Please complete this form with your contact information so you can get your very own copy of Mr. Chappel’s and my announcement.

Did you know that July 29th is just 56 days away? (No, I don’t have a paper chain) This may be the first year that I have no idea how many days are left in the school year (I can only keep one countdown going in my head at a time).

By the way, it’s 12: twelve more days of school. (I had to look it up.)Edited Photo 7289

Standards of Learning Testing is OVER!

Let the wild rumpus start!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

But no elephants!

RGrandma Tildy is a sweet lady who loves everyone and everything except elephants. Well one day a salesman came along and tried to sell he some animals, she bought them all except the elephant. This story is about the elephant that Grandma Tildy didn't buy. It ended up that the salesman left the elephant at her house over the winter until she went soft and brought him in. The elephant got hungry one night and ate all of Grandma Tildy's food. Grandma Tildy got very angry but in the end the elephant takes Grandma Tidly and all her pets to a warm and sunny place. And now Grandma Tildy loves her pet elephant. emember how Daniel doesn’t care for cats? Remember how he likes dogs? Well, you can imagine my shock when I asked for a cat and he said yes! Remember how much he really loves me?

We brought Oliver home on Wednesday. He has been renamed Charlie the Cat, not to be confused with Charlie the Unicorn (Charlie the Cat is missing his claws, but I’m pretty sure he still has both of his kidneys).

I'm hoping Daniel will grow to love Charlie as much as Grandma Tildy grew to love her elephant.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The List: Safe driving

Public blogs are not the most appropriate place to reveal faults; however, I think full disclosure is in order: I failed my driver’s license test on two counts, but the examiner “passed” me anyway. My mom told me it was because I had dressed professionally. I think it’s my charisma. (Yes, you’re supposed to laugh at that)

Jocelyn & DanielI also have had a ridiculous number of car accidents and tickets since moving to Virginia. Let’s just say that I’ve lost track at this point. Charisma doesn’t help with collisions (although I am really good at calmly gathering the other driver’s insurance information).

Perhaps it’s not fair for me to include the fact that I would like my spouse to be a safe driver, when I haven’t mastered these skills myself. I have been known to tell people that if a boy can’t keep his temper when he’s driving, how can I expect him to keep his temper when I’m irrationally ridiculous? (Yes, sometimes I’m irrationally ridiculous. It happens.)

So, Daniel meets the safe driving list item and raises the term safe driving to a whole new level. He thinks that I speed like a demon. (Speed limits are merely suggestions.) He thinks that I do not know what the letters STOP mean. (You only need to stop if there’s another car at the intersection). He thinks that I measure 2 seconds traveling distance between cars creatively. (I wouldn’t have to get so close if other drivers used the passing lanes correctly.)

I think he drives like an old man.

Silence

It’s SOL testing season here in Virginia. Which means I have the task of walking groups of children in the hall, silently. I’m not sure how successfully I’m completing this task.

Kids Don't Need Sirens

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Family Culture, part II

 
 
Jocelyn:
 
Are you working 1 or 2 hours extra tonight?
Daniel:
Just one hour today.  I’ll be off at 1730, so should be back home by ~1840.  Soon, [(homeDaniel) == (homeJocelyn)] = TRUE  :)
Jocelyn:
That’s over my head, but I think it means that you love me.
Daniel:
Haha, soon our homes will be the same place: in a matter of months, the conditional statement (homeDaniel) == (homeJocelyn) will evaluate to TRUE  :)
…but it can indeed be condensed to “I love you.”  Because…
I love you, Jocelyn.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The List: Family Culture

Brent and DadDo you see Mom in this picture?Daniel and Jocelyn

Girls make lists of qualities they’d like their future spouses to have. When I was a teenager I noted on my list that my husband would iron his own shirts. I detest ironing.

My list has changed. Now an important element is that my future spouse must fit into my family culture. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the men in my family are a bit…umm…how do you say it…intellectual…computer minded…I’ll just say it: geeky.

Here’s the edited email conversation that transpired this afternoon. I’ll let you decide if Daniel will blend with my family culture.

From: Daniel
To: Jocelyn

Looking at boats to/from Catalina; for what time on 7/29/11 should I reserve our spots?  Check-in at Catalina isn’t until 1500, so thinking either 1400 or 1615 would be our best bets (~1 h port-to-port), depending on how long the post-sealing luncheon runs.

From: Jocelyn
To: Daniel

Hold on let me convert your times into normal times.

From: Daniel
To:  Jocelyn

Haha, a computer program to do it:

Int time 1;

time1 = keyboard.readLine(“%n%n%n%n”);
If(time1 > 1200){
          time1 = time1 - 1200;
          time1 = (String) time1 + “PM”;
}
else{
Time1 = (String) time1 + “a AM”;
}

System.out.println(“The time is actually “, time1, “ if you don’t want to take 1200 away.”);

From: Daniel
To:  Jocelyn

ARGH, it’s not…that should have been a >=, as 1200 is PM (I think).  Had it as such, but removed it…oh well.  I should point out that I’ve not programmed in a while, and it shows!

From: Jocelyn
To: Daniel

How do I use it?

From: Daniel
To:  Jocelyn

What, that?  Well, I’d need to rewrite it in Perl or Java instead of pseudo-code (which isn’t a language per se), as the keyboard.readLine() statement would need to be wrapped in a method in Java or called differently in Perl.  You’d also need access to the command line, as I’m not (and never have been) a big GUI guy.  I’d label that as more of a proof-of-concept…the point is that it’s probably easier to just take away 1200  ;)

Golly, now that I think on it, I’m not even sure if I have a Java development suite on my home PC, although the Linux side would have a built-in Perl interpreter.  I’ll work on that a bit  :)

From: Jocelyn
To:  Daniel

You make me smile. Can I blog this?

From: Daniel
To:  Jocelyn

It’s funny you’d ask, as I was just thinking you might.  My programming is rusty (as I said, it shows), but that’s OK.  Shockingly, I’m not perfect!  You’re welcome to do so, but I think people who do any sort of computer programming might wonder why in the world you’re marrying a guy who’s so slow to realize the difference between “>” and “>=” and who can’t seem to declare/work with variables in a consistent manner  :)

It’s true, Daniel’s not perfect: he doesn’t iron his own shirts. However, he has also taught me that the cleaners do an amazing job with shirts, and I’m pretty sure he’s perfect for me (and my family culture).

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Text messages that make a bride smile

 

To Daniel: Ooh. That looks perfect. Thanks for doing the research. :)

From Daniel: Trying to knock out what I can so as to share the work burden. This is going to have to be a team effort, and we can’t very well be equally yoked if you do all the hard work and I just rubber-stamp everything. Think it’s also a pretty good way to demonstrate that I’m hardcore committed to making this happen (which I am). We’ll get it done…and perhaps you’ll get to see my work ethic to some small extent ;)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Registering

Wedding registries really aren’t my favorite tasks. I don’t expect anyone to give me presents; however, at my sister’s encouragement, I have decided to be accommodating. Here’s the email correspondence that transpired that made me chuckle:

From: me
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:10 PM
To: Daniel

During my lunch break, I checked out Bed, Bath, and Beyond’s wedding registry. I just went through and put some things on it. I’d like to sit down with you sometime and talk about the items. Feel free to check it out and add anything you’d like.

From: Daniel
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:25 PM
To: me

In taking a look at the BB&B registry, I noted that we’ve requested 40 Indulgence by Isotonic Side Sleeper/Queen Pillows.  We could get rid of the mattress on my bed entirely and just layer the pillows on the box spring  ;)  Thank you for requesting a bread maker, by the way  :D

From: me
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:28 PM
To: Daniel

Princess and the Pea - dog

From: Daniel
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:30 PM
To: me

Hahaha, so that’s what you’re envisioning, eh?  The pea is a nice touch, but I really like how there’s a dog under there  :D

From: me
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:32 PM
To: Daniel

Sorry…wrong picture:

princess and the pea - cat

From: Daniel 
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:34 PM
To: me

That’s more your speed, I think.  I love how the cat is on the bed, yet the poor pooch is relegated to being under the bed!  It’s a cat’s world, I guess  :)

Please submit any tips on teaching a husband how to like cats and a wife how to check for extra zeros in the comment section below.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

New nomenclature

Members of the LDS church are encouraged to hold FHE (Family Home Evening) on Monday nights to teach their children the gospel, strengthen relationships, and enjoy quality time together. My mom did a stellar job of adjusting the structure of FHE to meet the needs of our family. When I was young I remember giving lessons using a flannel board and colorful felt cut outs and playing Cootie Bug for the activity.

FHE is a beautiful tradition that brings families together, but what are young single adults supposed to do on Monday nights? Well, the Bishop can organize groups of single members to meet together. These have been called FHE groups, but I’ve always thought it a bit strange since these friends of mine aren’t my real family.

I was quite pleased when I read in the new handbook that the name has been changed for single adults. They are not to be referred to as families, but home evening groups. It has been my personal mission to spread the news of the more appropriate name to those in my ward: HE groups, not FHE groups. However, my friend had a good point. He felt like HE was missing a letter and that he would prefer to call it HED for Home Evening Dinner Groups.

I like his idea and would propose the following changes to the handbook:

Home Evening Dinner Groups

Priesthood leaders may organize one or more home evening dinner groups for young single adults who do not eat with their parents and do not feed children in their homes. If possible, priesthood leaders appoint a young single adult priesthood holder to cook for each group. In stakes with few young single adults, stake leaders may organize home evening dinner groups that cross ward boundaries. Home evening dinner group chefs are accountable to assigned priesthood leaders. These groups are not referred to as families.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Definition: engaged

en·gaged /ɛnˈgeɪdʒd/

–adjective

1. busy or occupied; involved: deeply engaged in conversation.

2. pledged to be married; betrothed: an engaged couple.

3. under engagement; pledged: an engaged contractor.

4. entered into conflict with: desperately engaged armies.

5. Mechanics .

           a.interlocked.

           b.(of wheels) in gear with each other.

6.Architecture (of a distinct member) built so as to be truly or seemingly attached in part to the structure before which it stands: an engaged column.

7. Jocelyn and Daniel

 

My sweetheart and I are getting married! After my choir performance Saturday, Daniel took me for a walk around the Washington DC temple grounds. While we were admiring the majesty of the building and contemplating the symbols of the spires, Daniel dropped to his knee and asked me to be his wife. He presented me with a beautiful place holder ring for me to wear while he waits for the real engagement ring to arrive.

Daniel and I will be keeping a wedding website updated with information about the wedding. Thanks to Jack for his infinite resources and sagacity in creating the webpage.

Jocelyn & Daniel

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Blackened Cumin-Cayenne Tilapia

I made this, along with roasted vegetables for the gang (Jack, Tamara, Andrea, & Lupita) over our spring break in Phoenix.

image

Photo: Photo: Randy Mayor; Styling: Rose Nguyen

Blackened Cumin-Cayenne Tilapia via myrecipes.com

YIELD: 4 servings (serving size: 1 fillet)

TOTAL:18 MINUTES

Ingredients

1 tablespoon olive oil

4 (6-ounce) tilapia fillets

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Cooking spray

Preparation

1. Preheat broiler.

2. Rub oil evenly over fish. Combine cumin, salt, garlic powder, and peppers; sprinkle over fish. Arrange fish on a broiler pan coated with cooking spray; broil 5 minutes or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork or desired degree of doneness.

Cooking Light
SEPTEMBER 2009

Friday, April 15, 2011

The art of minding my own business

Mind your own business

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Mind your own business" is a common English saying which asks for a respect of other people's privacy. It can mean that a person should stop meddling in what does not concern that person, stop attending to personal affairs of others instead of your own, etc.

S

 

o there I was just minding my own business…

 

  • When I invited myself and two friends over to Daniel’s for dinner (I brought a cheesecake, of course).
  • When I told his roommate I wouldn’t mind if Daniel asked me on a date.
  • When I invited Daniel to Sunday dinners with my roommates and friends.
  • When I turned down his roommate’s offer for a date by asking, “Why hasn’t Daniel asked me on a date?”
  • When I threw a New Year’s Eve party at my friend’s house in order to spend some time with Daniel.
  • When I started attending his Home Evening Group so I could have “face time” with Daniel.
  • When his close friend asked me on a Friday night date and I spent the entire evening talking about Daniel’s amazing attributes.
  • When I insisted his roommate encourage Daniel to ask me out (there may have been an IM conversation that involved ALL CAPS).
  • When I skunked him at Scrabble.
  • When we were sitting ages apart on the couch (yes, distance can be measured in time), talking about the Bishop’s recent invitation for the girls in the ward to flirt more and how some boys have difficulty interpreting girls’ actions, and I scooted right next to him, and said, “Does this help?”
  • When I told him that if he’s going to hold the door for me, he ought to hold my hand, too.
  • When I sent him a ransom note indicating that if he ever wants to see his arrowroot starch again, he better a) let me use his printer, b) teach me how to make a pie crust, or c) invite me to sit by him at church. (This sounds like the influence of Okapi.)
  • When I asked him how he felt about holding hands at church.
  • When I told him that I wanted to date him and be his girlfriend.
  • When I fell in love.

IMG_1227 

As Brent would say, “Hmmm…”

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Choice

Most of the heartache, pain, and suffering we would not choose today. But we did choose. We chose when we could see the complete plan. We chose when we had a clear vision of the Savior’s rescue of us. And if our faith and understanding were as clear today as it was when we first made that choice, I believe we would choose again.

For Thy Good

April 2002 Sessions

Richard C. Edgley

 

 

h/t to my
friend for sharing this quote with me.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Growing some wings

I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, and then you grow wings.

[William Sloan Coffin, Credo (Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 2004), 7]

via Jeff Ringer: Finding Sanctuary; BYU Devotional May 25, 2010

"You can grow wings"

You can grow wings

Originally uploaded by Anniekster

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Definition: hyperbole

hy·per·bo·le /haɪˈpɜrli/

noun Rhetoric .

1. obvious and intentional exaggeration.

2. an extravagant statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as “to wait an eternity.”

3. Jocelyn’s go to coping mechanism for talking about her fears and frustrations in a way that engenders humor and honest dialogue.

Last week, while I was minding my own business, I received this text from my dear visiting teacher who had been visiting me without a companion:

Hi Jocelyn :) I’ve got a new companion! Does this Sunday work for you for a visit?

Most people would be pleased to have another visiting teacher. Most people would view this as another avenue for a great friendship. Seeing as I have always been blessed with delightful visiting teachers, most people would extrapolate that my new visiting teacher would be delightful, too.

I am not most people.

Saturday, as I was (of course) minding my own business, I brought up my concerns with Whitney. I explained to her how having a new visiting teacher was going to ruin EVERYTHING, that my new visiting teacher would spoil the dynamic that my amazing VT and I had developed, that I knew that my new VT and my old VT would just talk to each other and not to me. I ONLY WANT ONE VISITING TEACHER. Then we laughed. Whitney assured me that my new visiting teacher would be a blessing in my life.

She was right. My new visiting teacher is a delight. I’m really looking forward to getting to know her better. We’re already friends on facebook.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Definition: relief

re-lief /rɪˈlif/

–noun

1. alleviation, ease, or deliverance through the removal of pain, distress, oppression, etc.

2. a means or thing that relieves pain, distress, anxiety, etc.

3. money, food, or other help given to those in poverty or need.

4. something affording a pleasing change, as from monotony.

5. release from a post of duty, as by the arrival of a substitute or replacement.

6. the end of February and the beginning of March.

Origin:
1300–50; Middle English relef < Old French relief, derivative of relever to raise; see relieve

Can I just say that I feel like making it through another February is delightful? I’m pretty sure that the only way I made it through this year was because of my mother’s February care package. My favorite part was the heart, rose-colored sun glasses that became a permanent fixture on my desk at work for use whenever I needed a new perspective.

Koko
Originally uploaded by Lá caitlin







(h/t to Geevz @ hazardous undertakings for the dictionary format inspiration)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Let us choose faith

During the last hour of church, there I was minding my own business, just sitting, waiting for Relief Society to begin, when the teacher asked if I would read the following quote:

 

There is much that I do not know. I do not know the details of the organization of matter into the beautiful world we live in. I do not understand the intricacies of the Atonement, how the Savior’s sacrifice can cleanse all repentant people, or how the Savior could suffer “the pain of all men” (D&C 18:11). I do not know where the city of Zarahemla was, as referred to in the Book of Mormon. I do not know why my beliefs sometimes conflict with assumed scientific or secular knowledge. Perhaps these are matters our Father in Heaven described as the “mysteries … of heaven” (D&C 107:19) that will be revealed at a later date.

But while I don’t know everything, I know the important. I know the plain and simple gospel truths that lead to salvation and exaltation. I know that the Savior did suffer the pain of all men and that all repentant people can be cleansed from sin. And what I don’t know or don’t completely understand, with the powerful aid of my faith, I bridge the gap and move on, partaking of the promises and blessings of the gospel. And then, as Alma teaches, our faith brings us to a perfect knowledge (see Alma 32:34). By moving forward into the unknown, armed only with hope and desire, we show evidence of our faith and our devotion to the Lord.

And so, following Alma’s formula, let us choose. Let us choose faith.

Richard C. Edgley "Faith—the Choice is Yours," Ensign, (October 2, 2010).

These words resonated with my heart. There is much that I do not know, but I know the important. I know that God lives and that my Savior, Jesus Christ, atoned for my sins and made it possible for me to repent and improve. I have felt the purifying power of the atonement in my life and I want to share that sacred power with those around me. I want to bridge the gap of doubt, fear, and inadequacy that I face through the enabling power of the atonement. Faith allows me to persist knowing that the Lord’s promises are sure. I will continue to choose faith.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Snow Day (repeat 3 times)

Calvin and Hobbes snow

FCPS has granted me 3 snow days. I really only wanted one. Yesterday brought productivity. Today was filled with friends, reading and knitting. Tomorrow…I think it’s time for some mischief.

And yes, I shoveled snow at 3 pm today in my cookie monster pajama pants.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Reflexive Charity

Perhaps the greatest charity comes when [I am] kind to [myself], when [I] don’tMirror Mirror On The Wall judge or categorize [myself], when [I] simply give [myself] the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting [my] differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with [myself when I] let [myself] down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when [I don’t] handle something the way [I] might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of [my] weakness and being willing to forgive [myself when I have] hurt [myself]. Charity is expecting the best of [myself].

Marvin J. Ashton “The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword”

Image from randy m santa-ana:photography

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Mattress Monster

Monster Cecily

Image from junkerjane

T ransitions are tricky. Kids with autism struggle with transitions. Everyone has had a painful transition at least once in their existence. Currently the transition I struggle with is the one that happens daily at 5:30 in the morning when it’s time for me to emerge from my cocoon of warm blankets and begin the process of the day.

Embarking on the adventure of a new day wouldn’t be too bad. I could handle the shift from dreamland to wakefulness. However, there seems to be a third party involved: the Mattress Monster. I’m sure you’ve met him before. He’s the one that whispers lies in your ears about not needing to shower today or how no one will notice if your clothes aren’t ironed. He even says distasteful things like ten more minutes won’t hurt anyone and make-up is overrated. His iron grip of comfort can be quite a trick to maneuver out of, especially when you’re just waking up.

I have learned after many years of trial and error, that the Mattress Monster can be tricked. Transitions, even those involving the Mattress Monster, are best when given warning and allowed to happen in a gradual, almost natural fashion. Enter, what I lovingly like to call, Jocelyn’s patented Light Therapy Approach to Waking Up (LTATWU, for short). Okay, it’s not really patented, but I do know people who work for the Patent & Trade Organization.

LTATWU:

5:30 A light in the corner of the room flickers on. MM hugs me tightly through the night, but the light distracts him for a moment as he slowly loosens his grip on my torso)

5:35 A soothing song begins to play from my iHome that signals a squirt of citrus air freshener coupled with the switch of the main light and a shift to the sitting upright in bed posture. This allows me to slide out of MM’s grip without him hardly noticing. I’ve read that MM is slightly allergic to citrus aromas. My eyes are probably still closed at this time, but this is mostly to let MM think he still is in charge, but I know better.

5:40 A rousing hymn bursts from my phone. MM would have me listen with my eyes closed, but I am a better tactician than he, and boldly beat a 4/4 pattern making sure to cross my midline and sing along with the hymn. By the time the song is over, I bravely slide out of bed onto my knees to MM’s chagrin.

Mattress Monster doesn’t even know what hit him. Who knew an electric timer, an iPod, a smart phone, and a can of air freshener would combat such a sneaky counter agent.

How do you combat the Mattress Monster who resides in your home?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The gift exchange

I like to buy my roommates gifts. Well, actually I like to break their things and buy them replacements. Is that the same as buying them a gift? How about if I upgrade it a bit?

On the flip side, I like it when my friends give me gifts. I mean…I like it when my friends lend me things and then say I can borrow them indefinitely. That’s the same as a gift, right?

Whitney, I will return your extremely comfy cookie monster pajama pants…sometime. Thanks for the extended loan!

Cookie Monster Pajama Pants - Oh, so comfy!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

A birthday surprise or why you shouldn’t tell Jocelyn ANYTHING

Wait Wait Don't Tell me logoSo, there I was minding my own business looking for ideas for my dad for his birthday. I say to myself: Aahh! I have absolutely no idea what to get Dad for his birthday. I am a bad daughter. Aahh!. Then I say to myself Perhaps my sisters can help. Then, not to myself, but to my sister, I say Andrea, I have absolutely no idea what I should get Dad for his birthday. What are you getting him? This is where Andrea makes a critical error. She says to me I am getting Dad Inception. He enjoys watching movies and that’s a movie I think he’ll enjoy. I commend her for her brilliant gift idea and begin to rack my brain for appropriate movies to get Dad. I then decide that I should get him one of my favorite board games and make Andrea drive me all over San Diego in search of this game. She is a good sister.

As a good sister, she should have known not to tell me anything because not only am I bad daughter, I apparently am a bad sister too.

Monday night, Dad decides that he would like to watch a movie. He asks for suggestions. I being the helpful person say to Dad (I wish I had said it to myself first) Well, you got a DVD for Christmas. Let’s watch that. Dad says to me No I didn’t. I insist that he did. I say I know you did, Andrea gave you Inception. Dad gives me a very Dad look and let’s me know that I’m wrong. I can only imagine what he said to himself. Then, to myself, I say Ahh. Andrea gave everyone those amazingly adorable calendars for Christmas. The DVD was for his BIRTHDAY tomorrow! Ahh, RECOVER FAST! To my dad, I calmly and collectedly reply Oh, I must have been mistaken. Perhaps it was Jack that got Inception. You got all that delightful music. I was just confused. Dad buys my story and tells himself My daughter sure is wrong sometimes.

The next morning I tell Andrea my faux pas and ask her for her forgiveness. Later, Dad opened Andrea’s gift first. Andrea gave Dad Inception. Surprise! After extending words of gratitude, he winks at me as he realizes my blunder.