Thursday, January 20, 2011

Mattress Monster

Monster Cecily

Image from junkerjane

T ransitions are tricky. Kids with autism struggle with transitions. Everyone has had a painful transition at least once in their existence. Currently the transition I struggle with is the one that happens daily at 5:30 in the morning when it’s time for me to emerge from my cocoon of warm blankets and begin the process of the day.

Embarking on the adventure of a new day wouldn’t be too bad. I could handle the shift from dreamland to wakefulness. However, there seems to be a third party involved: the Mattress Monster. I’m sure you’ve met him before. He’s the one that whispers lies in your ears about not needing to shower today or how no one will notice if your clothes aren’t ironed. He even says distasteful things like ten more minutes won’t hurt anyone and make-up is overrated. His iron grip of comfort can be quite a trick to maneuver out of, especially when you’re just waking up.

I have learned after many years of trial and error, that the Mattress Monster can be tricked. Transitions, even those involving the Mattress Monster, are best when given warning and allowed to happen in a gradual, almost natural fashion. Enter, what I lovingly like to call, Jocelyn’s patented Light Therapy Approach to Waking Up (LTATWU, for short). Okay, it’s not really patented, but I do know people who work for the Patent & Trade Organization.


5:30 A light in the corner of the room flickers on. MM hugs me tightly through the night, but the light distracts him for a moment as he slowly loosens his grip on my torso)

5:35 A soothing song begins to play from my iHome that signals a squirt of citrus air freshener coupled with the switch of the main light and a shift to the sitting upright in bed posture. This allows me to slide out of MM’s grip without him hardly noticing. I’ve read that MM is slightly allergic to citrus aromas. My eyes are probably still closed at this time, but this is mostly to let MM think he still is in charge, but I know better.

5:40 A rousing hymn bursts from my phone. MM would have me listen with my eyes closed, but I am a better tactician than he, and boldly beat a 4/4 pattern making sure to cross my midline and sing along with the hymn. By the time the song is over, I bravely slide out of bed onto my knees to MM’s chagrin.

Mattress Monster doesn’t even know what hit him. Who knew an electric timer, an iPod, a smart phone, and a can of air freshener would combat such a sneaky counter agent.

How do you combat the Mattress Monster who resides in your home?


Stefani M. said...

Haha. The trick is to have three other monsters (the smaller the better) that will destroy the house, your ears, or each other without you. Mattress Monster doesn't stand a chance against them. Heehee.

Stefani M. said...

But if I do have to wake up before them, it's rare, so it's easier... and usually, Quentin is still up before, so he just turns on the light in our room and MM's grip is loosened in just a few minutes. :)

Amy said...

Maybe having a roommate who was waiting for you to go walking with would help too?! ;)

Joanne said...

I just didn't realize that this is the same problem I have - a Mattress Monster! But, I am not as extreme as you are in overcoming his grips! Your blog made fun reading.

Geevz said...

I count down from thirty and make myself move on zero. The counting requires just that much mental acuity to wake me up. I love the ugly monster doll btw :)

Anonymous said...

I was just telling my roommate that I make bad decisions when I'm asleep, I didn't realize that it was the Mattress Monster convincing me that those decisions were wise. I think that I'll have to start implementing LTATWU.

Andrea said...

My matress monster comes in the form of a cat named Sammy that craves attention and loves to cuddle. It makes it difficult to get up and out of bed. He is also helpful with my homework avoiding behavior. Right now he is saying "Don't do your me instead. I'll even purr for you :)"